Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
