Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
