3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
