i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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