He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
