come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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