you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
