Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize