Well apparently he's into motor boating.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
