I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize