She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
