In the future we'll all be gay
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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