I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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