You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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