I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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