things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize