12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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