The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
