1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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