So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
