Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
