It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
