Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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