I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
