I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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