Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
