Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
