if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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