I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
