pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
