When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
