Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
