I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
