I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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