my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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