He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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