Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
