Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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