what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do herpes really smell.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize