Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
