im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
