Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
