the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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