Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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