so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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