i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
