So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
