A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
