I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
operation have a gay friend backfired
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's get the cat blown out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
