i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you