She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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