the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
