Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sarcasm needs its own font
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
