hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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