Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
