I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
