we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize