I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
