i may or may not be watching the land before time
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
