i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
