having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
