Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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