just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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