I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
